Currently Listening Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Radio Sunnydale By Various Artists Prayer of Saint Francis--Sarah McLachlan see related

Nothing at all...

Have you ever been so broke that you just laugh at your financial situation?...Because if you don't laugh about it, you would burst into tears.  That's how I feel right now.  I feel...broke.  I have 7 dollars in the bank and I sold back a 55 dollar book today for 8 effing dollars!  How ridiculous is that?!  That just made my entire WEEK ten times better than it was...  I wish I could just make my own money, but I can't this semester, and I don't know how December's rent is going to get paid.  I am so totally screwed.  But I'm just going to laugh my way through it.  That's all I can do about it right now...

Ugh.  I downloaded an episode of Buffy today and watched part of it.  It was one of the good episodes with Eliza Dushku in it.  She rocks my face off...

I need to be doing a lot of school work right now, but I am NOT motivated.  At all.  Not in the least bit.  It's a sad, sad thing...

I'm tired and broke. I think I need to go to sleep.  Good night, all.

Angela B, is the broke Boss of Me...Yay!!

Buffy Quote of the Day:

Faith: Man, look at that. My hand's shaking. Demons, vampires, women in the penitentiary system, none of that freaks me out.
Robin: That's exactly what The First does. Finds your Achilles heel.
Faith: Nah, it just talked to me. What? It does a heel thing, too?
Robin: It's a phrase. Your weak spot.
Faith: Oh. The school thing. I was kind of absent that decade.

-Principal Wood and Faith, Touched

Currently Reading Zami: A New Spelling of My Name (Crossing Press Feminist Series) By Audre Lorde see related

To Whom do I owe my utmost rage?

There are several ways one can go about expressing utter, blind rage.  Some people like to curse, yell, hit, bite themselves, all kinds of weird shit.  Angela does it differently...She pretends that everything is perfectly normal.  Why, you ask?...Because eventually, everything will be perfectly normal.  The quicker you pretend to be normal, the quicker you will be normal.  I'm bothered by something right now, but I don't want to call attention to it right now.  So I just pretend that I don't know and therefore I cannot be bothered.  Simplify life.  Don't make it harder than it should be.  When I'm angry and I don't say why, it's not because I'm bottling it up.  It's because I know that there really is no reason at all to be bothered.  However, there is always an exception to the rule:  My feelings.  Boy, do I hate those little suckers. They always pop up when you don't want them to.  Always getting in the way of things...They're like herpes.  I don't like them.  And because I don't like them, I don't reveal them often.  Few people have seen them.  They don't like sunlight.  It's always sunny in Angelaville. 

So my friend Tanisha has been saying things about me behind my back, and it's already gotten back around to me.  It doesn't even make any sense.  How dare you judge me when you don't even truly know me?  Some fuckin friend you are.  And I know she probably talks about me to our other friends...they just don't have the balls to say it to me like Ericka did.  I can always count on Ericka to be upfront with me about everything.  That's the way she is and I am grateful for it.  I don't like it when people just expect me to do things because they do them.  I'M NOT GONNA CRAWL UP YOUR ASS, SO YOU CAN JUST KISS MINE!  There is no reason for all of this talking behind people's backs, so I hope one day, Tanisha, you can grow up and stop behaving like a middle schooler.  It's ridiculous....I could've sworn that I graduated from the 8th grade in 2000.  It angers me that you would do this.  And it takes a lot to get me angry.  Then I thought about it?  Why should I let this bother me?  Why is this so important that I have to get upset about it?  Tanisha, you would have so many more friends if you could just learn how NOT to drive them away.  I don't even think it's worth the trouble of my telling you about it because you're going to keep pretending that it never happened.  That's okay, though.  I'll wear my mask.  I'll cover up the truth.  We're both masters of deception.  One way to one friend and one way to another.  Yes, I called you out.  But I called myself out, too.  I just pray one day that you will come to terms with it.

This has probably been the most random thing I've put on here. 

Currently Listening Greatest Hits: The Road Less Traveled I Run For Life see related

Oh so happy to be heading back to Murfreesboro tomorrow morning...

I got my hair braided yesterday and it hurts like a fat bastard...lol

My bestest friend moved to Mississippi this week and I miss her like I miss making home videos when we were kids...

BAND CAMP NEXT WEEK...WOOOOT!

I'm cleaning out my car, and then it's going to be packed full of whatever I can fit in it.  If it doesn't fit in the car, then I don't need to take it with me.  In the morning, I'm going to turn in my uniform to my boss, go to the cardiologist, gas up my baby, and hit the flippin' road!  The farther away from Memphis I get, the better I am going to feel.

I'm going to miss Camden, though.  I love that little guy to the extreme.  That's my boy...

Moving in to the apartment on Sunday...Woot!!  And then a party Sunday night with Erin.  Good times!

Can't wait to see everyone next week.  Later Taters!

Angela B. is the Boss of Me...Yay!!

Currently Listening I'm Not Dead By Pink Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely) see related

I'm waiting for a new day to rise, conversations to make sense to me and my mind...

Colonoscopy in the morning. 

Rough times at work.

Relationships in the shitter.

Everything is going wrong.  And I don't know how to stop it.  I wish I could.  But it seems the more I try, the more I screw it up.  I've disappointed so many people over the past few months, and all I wanna do is start over.  I just want to pack up and start over.  I hope things will get easier...because if not, then it's no good.  I'm thinking about just going somewhere after graduation, and not telling anyone.  Just drive until I run out of gas.  Set up shop and start over. 

Fat chance.  Someone would find me.

I don't know what's wrong with me.  I feel like crap all the time.  I'm tired, angry, sad, bitchy, lonely.  Why am I lonely?  I'm surrounded by family and friends all the time, and yet I feel...alone?  This is dumb.  I hate this crap.  Screw it all.